A story for you to enjoy

(Note: this is a product of my imagination. It did not really happen to me)

It was a dark and lonely bathroom stall which my laden bladder forced me to use that night. The light within had burned out weeks previously, and, knowing the custodian of my building as I do, it would not be fixed within the weeks to come.

Late the hour was, I having had to stay long after the majority of my compatriots had been released, in order to update the W.E.N.I.S (Weekly Estimated Net Income Statistics.) In order to accomplish this daunting task, I imbibed several large cups of the dishwater coloured beverage management called "coffee". It was in hopes of staying conscious long enough to earn the freedom from my cubicle.

As the need to urinate came strongly upon me, I crept down the empty row of cubicles to the dual stalled lavatory which we were afforded by our generous managers.

The illuminated stall on the right was unoccupied, as I was the soul occupant of the floor at this late hour. However, the previous user of the illuminated stall had neglected to adhere to the "personal hygiene items go in the trash, not the toilet" notice posted in the the stall.

I peered into the foreboding dark stall on the left and began to consider the possibility of waiting until I had the comfort of my softly lit lavatory at my place of residence.

Unfortunately, the need to urinate was too great, and I was forced into the foreboding stall. When the door closed behind me with a "thud", it became even darker and more foreboding than when I first assessed it. The smells from the illuminated stall on the right was overpowering, and I held my breath. The lack of oxygen present in my blood going to my brain eventually forced me to exhale the precious air I had saved for this occasion. I made my deposit and inserted the deposit slip before completing my transaction.

I washed my hands in the lurid sink and crept back down the row of deserted cubicles to where, upon my own, sat another cup of the "coffee" sat, waiting to make me go again.

and Something New (sort of)

I was advised not to make my blogs as long as my "Eye of the Tiger" post, so that's why there are two today. Read one now, read the other whenever.... Whatever, moving on.

It actually isn't new, but it is something that never ceases to amuse me.



Welcome to Hell.

Something Old...

Gomen! I have failed to blog anything in two weeks! Yikes! So much for that goal :)

So, to make up for it, I will give you something old, and something new.

From the "archive":

Original Post: Content Advisory
Original Posting: Sunday, August 19, 2007

So...for this year I decided I should get my own printer for Kristy (me laptop). That way, if my mom is doing someting on her computer (or there is a good show on tv) I won't have to bug her everytime I need to print something (or miss half the show b/c I am babysitting her cantancerous printer [it loves to spit paper everywhere when it is not getting jammed]). I told mom my idea and she thought it was good too, so we went printer shopping today (or, rather, yesterday by the time this is posted.)

We found a good looking printer at office max for $74.99. Ink Jet, 4800x1200 resolution, 30 pages per minute, ect. We asked a salesperson if it could be hooked up to my laptop and he said "sure, if your laptop has USB ports." Yup. Kristy has 4. He went on to explain briefly how the serial plugs are being phased out and USB is talking over. I was just thinking "Yay, one last port for me to figure out."

So we ask for the printer, buy it and take it home, making sure to ask if it already had ink (it appearantly did). I eventually got around to opening the box to put it together around 11:30pm, due to the fact I was cleaning off my new "work space" for the printer and Kristy all day. (Short explanation: My "work space" used to be my sewing table/craft storage area, so all the sewing/craft stuff had to be boxed up and put away to make it into my "work space".) I pull the printer out and put it on the "space" take the power source and the plug out and give the printer its juice. Now to hook it up to the computer Kristy. THERE IS NO USB CABLE ANYWERE IN THE BOX. I figured maybe the sales guy was mistaken and it was a wireless model. I could live with that explanation. I open the "User Guide" and look for the setup chapter. The first chapter is for "printing without a computer". Well, why the fuck would anyone buy a printer, then? Sure, it has slots for memory cards for printing pictures, but, where I come from, printers primary readon for being is for printing DOCUMENTS. Printing good pictures is a added bonus. I finally found the chapter (4) for printing with a computer, but it yeilds no info about how to hook the damn thing up to a computer.

I'm not dumb enough to believe that a printer under $80 magically "knows" what to print without some kind of input source from a computer, so I tear through the rest of the booklets and find the one called Quick Start Giude. Apperantly it's the one you are really supposed to look at, the other one is just incase this one does not make things clear enough.

Step 1: Unpack the printer

Step 2: Connect power

Step 3: Add paper

Step 4: Install Ink

Step 5: Install Software

The pictures that accompany these steps do not show a USB cable until Step 5, when one magically appears with no explanation. So, I go back and read the smallish print that has 3 languages.

Step 1 of Step 1: Purchase a USB cable seperately.

What. The. Fuck?

Soooo....yeah....

I don't feel dumb though, because two salesmen appearantly missed this step too, since neither the one who was telling us about it, nor the one who rang us up mentioned anything about purchasing the cable separately. I checked the box and it makes no mention of either needing or having a USB cable. So, for now I am left with a printer that can't print, and no time to get the said cable.

But I'm not worried, beacuse I have the urinary system under by belt.